I'm Back

... because I finally "finished" my script. Yes, I know: weeks behind schedule....

Further details in the two following posts (my last Official-tagged, Roman-numeraled posts... how time flies! Below, for further reference: the scene discussed in post XII.

INT. NOPE CENTRAL - CONTINUOUS

The WATCHER follows the motion of the MERCEDES on one of his many MONITORS. The CAMERA stuck to the bottom of the bridge by a daring minion reveals that the amphibious vehicle has passed under the bridge and is heading for the harbor.

WATCHER

(into the headset)

Remember, we want them taken alive. A and B, commence corral sequence!

Another of the Watcher's MONITORS displays two SPEEDBOATS moving slowly out from under the bridge and following the MERCEDES, spreading wide apart to either side of their quarry.

The camera zooms in on the scene and there is a

MATCH CUT:

EXT. THE HARBOR

The speedboats, though quiet, do make an appreciable noise. This filters in to DON inside the vehicle.

INT. AMPHIBIOUS MERCEDES

DON

It appears we're being followed.

JOE

Any chance they're friendly?

DON

It doesn't much look like it.

By now, the SPEEDBOATS have pulled level with the MERCEDES, one a ways to the left, the other to the right.

DON

I really do not like the looks of this at all.

Now the boats begin to CLOSE in, heading towards each other in front of the MERCEDES.

DON

This is looking distinctly like a trap. I'll take us under.

He selects the OPTION and the AMPHIBIAN SUBMERGES.

EXT. UNDERWATER

We see DON, through the windshield, looking around and backward. But more importantly, we see the huge, tangled NET attached at two ends to the two SPEEDBOATS, which has formed almost a complete circle around the SUBMARINE MERCEDES. It goes from just under the surface to too low for the amphibian to dive under.

INT. THE MERCEDES

JOE

(alarmed)

Shit! Can we break through?

DON

Probably, but we'd get tangled and I have a feeling we'd shred the propeller. It appears there's only one way...

He trails off, lost in thought.

JOE

What's that?

DON

Forward into whatever trap has been prepared for us.

JOE

We're just going to let them take us?

While JOE dithers, DON has been getting an idea.

DON

(smiling)

I said we'll go into their trap. I never said we wouldn't come OUT.

INT. NOPE CENTRAL

The WATCHER is slightly uneasy. The MERCEDES submerging was dealt with in the plan, but only as an edge case. That it's doing so now is causing him doubts.

He pushes them aside, knowing that the Mercedes shouldn't be able to escape the net. From the position of the two boats on his MONITOR, he sees that they have just about reached their destination: a RAMP going from the harbor pavement into the water. Trucks have strategically blocked off all routes but one: straight ahead, to where the final ambush is set to take place.

WATCHER

(into headset)

X, Y, and Z, stand ready for capture.

Another MONITOR displays three drivers (in specially placed side streets, ready to give chase into the dead end then block all retreat) starting their cars' engines.

WATCHER

(to himself)

Well, now, you two little escapees... Escape THIS!

INT. THE MERCEDES

The SPEEDBOATS have finished their corraling operation: there is only one way left for DON and JOE to go, namely up the RAMP, dimly visible through the murky water but clear on the SONAR display on the center console.

DON smiles.

DON

Well, I think a successfully attempted ambush would count as an emergency, eh?

JOE

(tense)

Whatever, just get us out of it, okay?!

DON

Hang on, because we're about to go faster.

Dramatic pause; then DON flips open an unobtrusive compartment and pushes the big red BUTTON inside.

EXT. HARBOR

There is a sudden roar, and the water behind the MERCEDES lights up as the one-shot ROCKET engine engages. The EXHAUST is hot enough to stay lit for a few feet before the water extinguishes it.

There is confusion among the CREWS of the two speedboats. No one prepared them for THIS!

INT. THE MERCEDES

We get to see both the passengers' faces as the MERCEDES accelerates out of the water. DON is exhilarated; JOE is trying not to throw up.

INT. NOPE CENTRAL

The WATCHER is not amused. This was not in the plan at all. He makes a rapid mental inventory of his options; it is unsatisfactory. He'll go with the best he has.

WATCHER

(into headset)

X, Y, Z, stand down. Prepare to give chase once their rockets die down.

Before he cuts off the communication channel, we hear the DRIVERS' confused CHATTER. Rockets??

EXT. THE HARBOR RAMP

The MINIONS posted near the side of the RAMP for reinforcement can't believe their eyes as the MERCEDES emerges, dripping wet and lit from behind, at RIDICULOUS SPEED, from the water. As soon as its wheels find traction, it gets another speed boost; then it hits the air and goes into a very long jump.

INT. THE MERCEDES

Cameo: DON is still having fun, and even JOE is beginning to enjoy himself a little.

EXT. THE TRAP AREA

The car continues to fly, past all three side ALLEYS where teams X, Y, and Z are concealed, past all the TRUCKS blocking the other escape routes, and, as its rocket fuel finally runs out...

INT. NOPE CENTRAL

The WATCHER groans. The worst-case scenario has come true. The MERCEDES has caught just enough air not to smash into the STRAW BALES set up at the end of the trap to block the way, but has landed ON TOP of them. It's going so fast at this point that it just skates over the top of them and then crashes down onto the the road.

There is no way to remove all the straw in time for X, Y and Z to give chase. The WATCHER's hermetic trap has sealed in his own troops.

WATCHER

(into headset; bitterly)

All units stand down. Remove all traces. I will have to initiate plan C.

He switches to a different channel using the CONTROLS at his desk.

WATCHER (CONT'D)

(into headset)

P, Q, R, S, you are go: they broke our trap. I advise caution; they may have several tricks left. Non-lethal force only, until further notice.

The MONITORS show the harbor MINIONS taking apart their carefully built defenses; four SUVs starting up and racing to intercept; and the locator DOT of DON's MERCEDES headed toward a T in the road at high velocity....

CUT TO:

INT. THE MERCEDES

DON is having so much fun, his head tilted back, he hasn't realized that the road is ending in a few hundred feet. But JOE has.

JOE

(panicked)

Look at the damn road!!

DON

Whaa...

Then his eyes focus, he snaps back to reality, and with no time to give a warning, jams the brake. Both passengers are thrown forward as the car slows down quickly and appreciably, but the T-junction and the wall behind it is still approaching fast.

DON, his face screwed up in concentration, waits until the last possible second to lose as much speed as possible, then tears the wheel hard left. The car, traveling on its left wheels only, makes the 90 degree left turn with no room to spare--its right wheels are grazing the wall at the back of the intersection. DON pulls the car out of the turn and back onto all four wheels, exhilarated. Now that things are back under control, he allows himself a huge grin.

DON

I love this car.

While I'm Posting Things...

... I might as well add this note. I'm still behind on the WE's (and probably will be for much of the near future), so I've got to find another way to break up the many official script-related posts I'm churning out. So I thought I'd take this time to note for posterity that on this day I finally added my blog description to the header up above.

This announcement serves two purposes: one, I get to inform anyone who reads this post that that description up top was put there only after 22 posts had already gone up and was not there from the beginning as one might reasonably have expected. I could leave this benign misapprehension uncorrected, but somehow I feel the need to clarify. And two, as noted above, I get to once again divide and conquer the relentless march of Roman numeraled posts.

In other words, I get to satisfy, again, my bizarrely strict yet unreasonably arbitrary* code of aesthetics.

*Fun fact: in my quest to get this word exactly right, I looked up the English translation for the German "willkürlich". That is, I did the exact same thing I was just describing--while writing its description!!!

Incredibly, Still More Explanations

Yep. More explanatory overhead. If you are in my Creative Writing class, you do not need to read this. You already know it. There's no need to waste your time.

But if you're not, you may well be wondering (if you know something about Script Frenzy) what I am doing uploading Script Frenzy-related posts in May when the Script Frenzy month is April... The answer is that due to various logistical reasons, I was still learning the basics in mid-April. Then I began, very slowly, to write, while still not finished with the preparations. I began, roughly, on April 16th and wrote for a week and a half... that gave me 12 pages (I revised way too much--oops). Meanwhile, preparations were still ongoing, and I completed them contemporaneously. Then I was away from the computer for almost one full week and could do nothing. And that brings us up to today, when I'm trying to finish the last preparatory assignments to finally concentrate all my writing on the script.

Interesting deadline calculations approach. I already missed the official April 30th deadline. Our class deadline is now May 31st. But I started two weeks early (or late, depending on your frame of reference) and want to stick to the goal of one month of writing. As a result, depending on whether or not you count the lost week as elapsed writing time, my self-imposed deadline would be either the 15th or the 20th of May, respectively. My guess is, however, that I will end up meeting only the May 31st deadline, as I write too slowly and revise too much...

Quick Aside

You may have noticed that--again--I've taken a longer break from uploading WE's (I'm now all caught up with C-WE's, but there are a few more independent WE's left). Obvious reason: I've been busy (or "busy"), as before. Partly on The Escape, partly on other things... Point is, it may take a little longer for me to finally get those online.

Actually, I have an ulterior motive for explaining myself yet again. I'm about to write blog post VIII, yet another official post, and I want to break things up a bit so there aren't three Official posts in a row (if you count I and Ia as a single two-part post, I have never had three of the same type in a row--and I want to keep it that way). So if you enjoy variation, you're welcome.

Falling Behind On Catching Up

...is what I was doing the past few weeks. For all that I said "doing right now" and explained at great length my rationale for number (and left you wondering what that long #3/4/5 was), I didn't do anything after that explanatory post.

My excuse? I was busy. (Yeah, yeah, real convincing.) But I was; and then when I finally worked off my backlog of other classwork I had to catch up on (there's that phrase yet again) I no longer had access to the WE's I wanted to upload. So despite a three-week-long lapse, I didn't/couldn't do what I said I would.

But now I finally can! (I think.) I have the time, I have the WE's, I have the will--I can do this! However, seeing what happened the first time, I won't promise anything. I'll just say: let's see how far I get this time before something else gets in the way...

Catching Up

...is what I'm doing right now, as you may have guessed from the appearance of C-WE #6 and 7 out of sequence. I'm now uploading my backlog of C-WE's and WE's in approximate chronological order (using my best guess for some exercises I didn't date--viz. C-WE #2). One last note: for arcane and inexplicable reasons, there was only one C-WE between the first two and the next (officially #6); I have decided to label that one C-WE #3/4/5 and have it do triple duty. It's certainly long enough for three...

Explanations and Conventions

So C-WE #7 ended up appearing even later than I'd thought. This was partly because I didn't (or couldn't) take enough time to finish it up, but more pertinently because (despite what I said in my last non-WE post) I edited the crap out of it. I know; I'm sorry. But I can't leave it at that, oh no. I can't let it go without explaining my choice and conventions in excruciating detail. Please bear with me (again) as I indulge myself.

C-WE #7 was intended as a classwork writing exercise like C-WE #6, but as I wrote, it became clear to me that I wanted to make this a definitive list, not a sketch, and that this would require a bit of research and, of course, editing. So I left the written version unedited, but for the blog "edition" added, reorganized, and corrected extensively. I think it was worth it, but at the same time I don't want to make that the standard for the supposedly informal, unedited WE's.

So I adopted a convention for my use: any editing after the first version of any WE that should(?) have remained unedited will be underlined. In this way you can see that I left only about half my original material untouched for C-WE #7--an unacceptable ratio for the usual WE. If there is no underline in a WE post, the only changes I will ever make to it are correcting typos introduced between the original and the web copy, adding informational headings and notes (easily distinguishable from the WE proper) and (my favorite) changing the formatting and style. In addition, I solemnly promise to keep underlined sections to a minimum and authentic, unedited text to a maximum.

There, I'm done. I got it over with. I hope you're happy now, because I certainly am.

Even More About Me

(Like I didn't tell you enough last time)

However, this is partially triggered by my last blog entry, so please bear with me. As you may have guessed from post Ia. (but I didn't actually say outright), I am a perfectionist. As I noted below, this means that I can accept failure, but I will never--NEVER--be happy with it. Ever. I can remain embarrassed by my failures years after they occur. It's rather sad. In addition, I spend far too much time on getting every little thing just right. (For proof, just look at this blog. I spent hours customizing the design where others would be satisfied with minutes--even going so far as to edit the CSS manually--and I'm still not done. That's how crazy I am.)

The point behind this, though, is to explain what happened between CWE #6 and CWE #7. Simply put, due to my perfectionistic bent I spent far too much time on editing CWE #6 (most of it invisibly, before writing, or by erasing and rewriting the phrase I put before). If I recall, I also spent a lot of the time on customizing the blog design.... The result: I ended up writing one assignment in the time of two, and having to "make up" CWE #7 in class the next day (on paper, hence the delay in its appearance on the blog). This is especially problematic in light of the fact that WE's are supposed, by design, to be short, unconstrained, unedited outpourings of writing, not longish, carefully composed, and heavily edited pieces. Yet another thing I could be working on to improve, I suppose.

I'll try. I'll really try. I'll force myself to work over more reasonable (i.e. shorter) time periods. But I have a sinking feeling it'll be as hard as chopping down the (forest (of (parentheses)))...

P.S. With all those parentheses, I should just write my exercises directly in LISP.... Hey! That sounds like an intriguing idea for a WE...

Point of Order

At random times the official blog posts (Roman numerals) may be interspersed with writing assignments done out of class (WE #x) or in class (C-WE #x), as well as random and/or organizational meta stuff (no number, like this post). Depending on my inclinations, I may put all the WE's I write on this blog or only some; haven't decided yet.